We have all been blessed with so many things: our health, our friends, our family, technology and just a handful of people that will change our lives forever.
Who am I taking about? There are those people in our lives that see things in us that we ourselves don’t.
They do not accept excuses. They do not pull their punches.
And, despite what we might think at times, they do have our best interests in mind.
In English we have an expression for what those people practice – it’s called tough love.
Tough love is saying goodbye to someone you love because you know you are preventing them from living their dreams.
Tough love is telling the truth even when people will hate you for it.
Tough love is never easy, but I believe it’s the mark of the people that will change your life forever in ways you’ll never imagine.
The other day in a brainstorming session with one of my favorite clients she mentioned that she had read one of my blog entries and felt that while she agreed in principle to the idea I was trying to convey she felt that I had overlooked something, to put it mildly.
Or to put it another way – tough love.
She gave it to me straight.
How lucky I am to have someone like her in my life.
She doesn’t just accept my ideas, but she challenges me.
And I do the same for her.
It’s the one thing that some people don’t like about me – I tell it like I see it.
I do try and choose my words carefully but I don’t believe in sugarcoating them.
People are often too afraid of the consequences to give it to us straight.
They’re afraid of damaging the relationship so instead choose to ignore things.
That’s not who I am.
I want to be remembered as someone who, though you may not have liked what I said, you understood why I said it and that I was trying to help.
So some of you might be asking me who are my handful of people.
My wife’s up there, my mother who loved me so very much but was never afraid of correcting my English or manners.
The late Jim Rohn who I never had the chance to meet, but his words keep me company each day on MP3.
And a few others who will remain anonymous.
Don’t push those people away just because they hurt us – they did so because they care. They cared enough when no one else did.
There will be just a handful for all of us.
So learn from them while you can because one day you may find they’re no longer around.
Adrian Shepherd
Words have immense power and consequences and people who really care about us are willing to receive negative reactions to their opinions/advice. They respect us enough to be delicately blunt so that we may see things from another’s perspective and step outside of our own biases. For some people, it’s easier to brown nose than to take a firm stance in one’s belief. I am so lucky to have friends like you and Kyoko who have such strength and depth of character. Your ambition, work and personal ethics and fearlessness inspire me.
it’s a shame that so many people don’t want to hear the negative as it prevents them from becoming better. I used to be the same way. Now, I try and follow the advice of something I read in Starbucks the Experience…which said, “Don’t mind criticism. If it is untrue, disregard it; if unfair, keep from irritation; if it is ignorant, smile; if it is justified, it is not criticism – learn from it.”
Generally, Japanese people do not tell their feelings directly, because I think the modesty is the first priority for the Japanese people. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know exactly, but I can say that the strong trust starts from telling the truth. Some people feel uncomfortable when they hear the truth, but they should be open to it, for if they do not hear the advice, they become selfish, and lose their real friends. It is important that we have to choose our words carefully when we tell our true thoughts to someone else. If our advice was ignored by someone, always remember Mother Theresa’s words; “If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.”
Think you hit the nail on the head there Yukinori. Mother Theresa’s words are ones to live by.