Most parents do their best to instill a sense of right and wrong in their children from a young age.
We teach them to sit properly. Not to shout. To say “Thank you.” Not to fight. To apologize. Not to steal. To tell the truth. The list goes on and on.
And when we’re young life’s simple.
Heck, we handle disputes with rock, paper, scissors and not legal battles.
We brush off injuries and are like the Energizer Bunny.
Our parents provide for us and all we need to do is follow the rules they set for us.
But as we grow up we realize that the world’s isn’t all black and white.
The right way becomes the way you see things. Everyone has their own opinion of how we should act, eat, sit, talk, work, help, clean and whatever else you can think of and is not afraid to let others know. The result – a whole lot of disagreements and misunderstandings.
As a child, I felt people walked all over me so over the years I’ve made myself stronger. I don’t take the crap I used to.
I’m sure there are a lot of people who feel the same way.
Sometimes we hurt people and not even know it because we were taught it’s the right way of doing things.
That’s where communication comes in.
No one is a mind reader so we should never be afraid to let others know how their actions or words made us feel. An argument might ensue, but doing nothing will guarantee anger festering within us. In time that anger builds up until one day we just can’t handle it anymore.
We should never let it get that far.
Most of the disputes couples have is because issues weren’t addressed early on and then let their anger build up.
Personally, I’d rather face things head on that wait for them to come and bite me in the…well, you know where.
Naturally, my wife and I do fight. Which couples don’t?
Though in 10 years of living together 99% of the arguments we’ve had I’ve forgotten. And I’m not the kind of person who forgets when it comes to things like that.
I attribute our success to the “not tomorrow” rule which basically states that if you’re angry you have that night to address it, once we go to sleep it’s done with and it’s worked well for us.
It’s not always easy to let things go, I know that. But family and close friends are worth it.
Another key element of our relationship is trust.
We both understand the importance of getting away. So we take turns going out by ourselves from time to time. That quiet alone time is just what we need to refresh our batteries.
But that would not be possible without trust.
Over the years I’ve learned who I can trust and who I can trust only as far as I can throw them. My wife is definitely someone I can trust.
The last key to our strong relationship is being able to say sorry (and mean it).
We both know when the other is sorry.
We can see it in our eyes. We can hear it in our words. And we can feel it in our actions.
Forgiveness, trust and apologizing may not easy, but they have paid off for us and I’m sure they will work for you, too.
The other day I came across something caught my eye. It’s called the Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith and reading it made me think just how interesting life is.
I have posted it below. I think you’ll like it.
Just remember – no one ever said doing the right things would be easy.
Adrian Shepherd
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The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.